The Hotwife Fetish / Polyamory / Monogamy

~ silver star

Conversation in the replies to my post on Honesty got me thinking… I’ve said that I’m in an open relationship, but I haven’t really discussed the boundaries of it, the rules that we’ve made.  Or how I feel about it.

Hubby and I have been together for a long time, he’s always thought that he was more sexually open than I, and for quite sometime that was true.  I was rather inhibited when we first got together and that was evident in our sex life.  Not that I didn’t want to have sex, but I think that I wasn’t as enthusiastic about it as I could have been.  There have also been times when I’ve had quite a low libido.  However, now I find that the more sex I have the more sex I want to have, and sometimes with Hubby there just isn’t time, life gets in the way…

When I met the pilot I had a higher libido than Hubby, also our marriage was shitty and I was a bit of a bitch, so he wasn’t exactly dying  to have sex with me…  I’ve mentioned that I loved the attention. And I started to discover that I was a lot more sexual than I had been up to that point in my marriage.

Things have gotten better, and we’ve both slept with other people. Hubby has confessed that he’s got a bit of a ‘hotwife’ fetish.  He really likes the idea that I like sex, he likes the idea of me having lots of sex with other people.  Add into that he’s bisexual, and the idea of a mfm threesome is really appealing to him. Or really any other type of threesome.  I know he’d like to watch me with someone else.  So because it’s a fetish for him I get to get attention from other men.  But I’m still not practicing ‘ethical non-monogamy’: I’ve slept with married men; and I still want control over Hubby’s sex life, at least to some degree; also I’m not honest with him about everything.  With our situation Hubby is only allowed to sleep with other men, because I couldn’t handle the idea of him with another woman. I might be able to in a threesome, but I’m not sure.  He feels no jealousy, but instead of feeling lucky that I have such an open-minded partner, I sometimes feel hurt by it – as if his lack of jealousy is an indication that he doesn’t  really care about me.  Or doesn’t care enough.

There are those who say that it doesn’t matter what other people think of our relationship, all that matters is that it works for us.  But does it? Does it really work for me?  Am I monogamous at heart, but just looking for excitement or a boost to my self-esteem?  Am I being completely unfair?  Am I really just a cheater?

 

 

17 thoughts on “The Hotwife Fetish / Polyamory / Monogamy”

  1. To answer your questions :
    I’ve taken hubby to a swingers party and I thought I’d be madly jealous but both of us was okie.
    Though I can’t stand the thought of him going behind my back.
    I’m happy for him to go when I’m there. I think he’s the same. That way we both have control over the situation .
    Mine also gets turn on by me with other guys.
    I play with girls too just a fondle here and there but I like guys full stop.
    I like playing with their tits and kissing them but that’s as far as I’ll go. Their skin so soft .
    I much prefer men .

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    1. I think it’s more I’m afraid of the emotional connection than anything else. Happy for him to have sex and go like me I have lovers but I don’t get attached.
      It’s the emotional bits that scares me .

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      1. I get more attached than I let on… I always need an emotional connection. Or maybe just a feeling of infatuation. If hubby knew how often I think of AP or the extent of my online exchanges with the lawyer he’d be unhappy. But he’d still live to watch me give a guy a bj.

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      5. I just think of it this way: do I see any future with that person ? No Do I like being with them ? Yes Do I want to keep on seeing them ? Yes Do I want them to come to me and enjoy their time with me? Yes Do I want to nag them to come and see me and only me? No

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      6. I can come to all the same answer, but still feel attached to a person. No, I never want to be a nag, but I admit to feeling hurt. I just try not to share that anymore.

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  2. I kinda feel the same. I cheat on my husband. But if he did something with another girl, I’d be jealous as fuck. Kind of a double standard but it’s the truth. We just want things our way and to have our cake and eat it too.

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  3. Fascinating, informative, relevant discussion and questions shared on this post and comments, thank you. It is interesting hearing the different things that are motivating you all to venture outside your marriages – and whether are not you are finding or fixing those things.

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  4. You all may be interested in my next couple posts. In the first, I’m writing about the different ways I’ve seen women cheat, etc. (I’ve seen a lot of cheating). .. the next, which I think is most relevant to this discussion here, is a “guide” on how to cheat and get away with it, or not get away with it.

    Anyway, one thing that I discuss – is the advantages of cheating with a friend – someone in your circle – for many of the reasons you all are talking about. – they won’t get crazy stalker on you, they can’t expose you because their ass is at stake too, and it is perhaps less likely you’ll have romantic ideas about running away with them or falling in love .(Although, I have a friend who left his wife for his wife’s best friend – and then the wife was diagnosed with cancer right after – imagine that for a shit year.)

    From my experience, people will pick a stranger for full on affairs, but will choose from those they know for hanky panky.

    I think you all would be able to share some amazing feed back on these posts, and I invite you to swing by my blog if you;re interested. ..

    I love this blog and this discussion. thank you

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  5. Your human and there are needs that you want to be met. You want those needs met by your partner or spouse but sometimes they cannot fulfill. You turn to outside substitutes. Communicate your desires.

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  6. Something I’ve noticed when it comes to non-monogamy is that things are always changing.
    When my partner and I first opened up, he did not want me with other men. Fast forward a year, and I was in a relationship with two men at once. If you are not sure if the current set up works for you, talk it out. And most importantly, give it time. Just like with monogamy, this sort of thing evolves with time.
    Who knows, you may have a different set up within a year or two that you would have never imagined at this point, but that you are more comfortable with.

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