I’ve alluded to the fact that I’m not completely comfortable with the arrangement that Hubby and I have.  I think that I’m far more traditional than him in some ways, so there is a part of me that is troubled that it’s not a ‘normal’ marriage.  I realise that’s a little absurd, but so are some of our conversations!

The perfect example of a bizarre conversation came this morning.  Our son was at the table having breakfast and Hubby and I were in the kitchen (just far enough away so that we could have an adult conversation without worry about little ears).  The mornings are generally rushed, but today things were a little bit more relaxed.  I was getting coffee, and he was getting his lunch together.  It was really the perfect domestic scene, right out of tv or the movies.  He comes up behind me, hand on the small of my back, I think it’s for a kiss, but instead he whispers in my ear

“So, any plans to have a visitor sometime soon?”

Seriously?!  There go my attempts to try not to think about my FWB (Perry).  It’s almost embarrassing to have to admit to my husband that I’m having trouble getting fucked by someone other than him.  He recently said that it was okay if I were to invite Perry over to our place (spare room only), since we were having trouble with that.  Previously Perry had hosted, but only when his wife and kids were away, never during the day.  I’m sure he thought that as soon as he gave the go ahead I’d have him over.  I thought that would happen too.  But it hasn’t.  P has given no indication of when he might want to come over, but my hosting was HIS idea.  In fact I really though that it was a sign that he was coming out of his funk…

Hubby knows that P has been hot and cold, but doesn’t know the extent.  So this morning I explained that I had invited him and he seemed quite pleased, but we hadn’t gotten any further than that.  I asked what I always seem to ask:

“What does that mean?”

“Stop being so needy.  It doesn’t necessarily mean anything.  You’re smart and perceptive, but sometimes you just make yourself crazy.”

I stood there and just looked at him, mouth slightly agape.  This was not the reaction I expected.  I don’t know what I expected, but not this.  Argh!! I don’t think I’m being needy!  Also, am I the only one who is disturbed by this conversation?  That a casual morning involves getting relationship advice from my Hubby about my FWB and he’s not even on my side?!  It’s all just completely upside down.

Hubby doesn’t realise the extent of my feeling for P.  Which is good, because if he did he’d be upset/pissed/hurt, maybe even want to call the whole thing off.  But as I write this I’m starting to think that maybe he knows me better than I know myself…  Maybe my feeling for P are tied  up more in his attention than whole he is… Maybe I’m just an attention whore.

Ironically, while Hubby and I were having this conversation P texted.


8 thoughts on “?

  1. Wow, how crazy is it to have it out in the open like that? It seems strange to think if X and I were like that. Could never happen. Nothing wrong with wanting attention. I’m a Leo so natually I’m an attention whore. No shame in that!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is completely crazy!! I never could have imagined that this would be the way my marriage would turn out… It will be even weirder having someone over here. I have plans with P next week. It’s been a while so I’m excited and nervous. Having him here will just compound the nerves for me!

      I agree that there’s nothing wrong with wanting attention. I just need to make sure that I don’t feel lost when I don’t get it…

      Liked by 2 people

    2. I’d be happy to have an open relation this with my wife, but mostly because to be honest I’m not much interested in sex with her since she doesn’t seem to want it with me. Otherwise, I’d be quite jealous! But, if she doesn’t want me, she can go fuck whoever she wants to her hearts content as long as she doesn’t mind me doing the same I figure. We all want attention, but hard to remain stoic and not be needy. But, your behavior, Silver Star, doesn’t strike me as needy. There are also some different standards for men and women and men are expected to try to be less needy (though this often turns out to be the opposite).

      Liked by 2 people

      1. But wouldn’t it be hurtful to think that she could be interested in sex, just not with you? I would find that devastating. I also wonder if you would find her more attractive if she was fucking other men, want to win her over? Regardless, it’s likely moot as it doesn’t sound like it’s an arrangement you to will come to any time soon!
        I didn’t think that I was being needy either, part of why I was so surprised by Hubby’s response. I think I was also hurt that he didn’t respond by saying the P is an asshole and I deserve better… But maybe that’s because he doesn’t understand the extent of the situation (because I choose not to share it with him).

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I used to think it would, but not now that I feel more validated in my sexuality after having sex with other women and seemingly have them be satisfied and interested in further sexual interaction with me. I know it is silly how we feel about things sometimes is predicated on how we think other people perceive us, but such is life, no one is an island. So, that said, I guess never say never, but my imagination suggests that I wouldn’t care if she wanted sex with other men over me. Who knows what it would be that would drive her to that (and I don’t think anything ever would), but perhaps she might just prefer the excitement of being with someone else, or maybe she wants someone with a tiny dick, or with a huge cock, or who is into BDSM, or who she thinks listens better or who has better common interests, who knows what they might offer that I don’t.

        For me, relationships and people are generally not good or bad per se, they just vary in how much chemistry/compatibility they have or not. A good relationship is one where you get what you want out of it, whether that is sex, emotional intimacy, fun, etc. A bad one is one where you don’t. Try to find someone to have a good relationship with, and if P isn’t working out, I figure it isn’t necessarily because he is an asshole (sorry if I’m speaking out of hand, you know better than me), just that you have different things you are offering in your relationship and the chemistry is off so your desires aren’t met.

        Using my own case as an example, I still view Sierra as a good relationship for a time, we both wanted great sex and fun times, and we both seemed to be getting that. As to why things went south, who knows, but the relationship obviously turned into a bad one and we had to part ways (and it probably lasted longer than it should have in that regard), it turned out for the best in the end. Ok, sorry for the rant, I guess I have too much bottled up inside since I haven’t posted on my own blog in a while, lol.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. NaiveAdulterer, I’m always happy to have you rant in the comments! In fact, the back and forth is what I like the most; I just need to foster more comments.
    You’ve obviously thought a lot about what it would be like if your marriage were to change, and I think that it is very cool that you could let go of your jealousy. It seems like you have a very healthy self-esteem, which is no small feat when in a difficult marriage.
    Your thoughts on good/bad relationships are interesting, especially because of how simple it is. And you’re right P. isn’t an asshole, but he is going through some stuff and that is having an effect on me – I’m not getting my needs met. I stick around for many reasons, but the bottom line is I’m not yet ready to give up. And I have no clue how I would find someone else, I know I could put up an ad, but not sure how I feel about that, not sure what I would say…
    I’m still impressed that you can look back on your relationship with Sierra and not have it all coloured by the way it ended, not many could, but I’m guessing it makes you happier. In the end, that’s what we all want.
    Go post something!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Some questions since there’s not new posts from you to read: answer any if you want to – or perhaps your find a topic to write a post about among them.

    What have you done that you haven’t told your husband?
    What do you wish to do that you won’t tell your husband?
    What have you done that you haven’t done with your husband?
    Does it bother you that your husband is bi? Would you want to watch him with a man? Have you?
    It sounds like he wants to watch you with a man?
    Could he handle watching and not touching the other man?
    Are your orgasms any different or better or worse with the other men?
    Have you ever spend a night or longer away from home with another man?
    Do you feel more desired by the other men than you do by your husband?
    How old are you? when did your marriage begin being open?
    Did you desire an open marriage before you actually have one?
    Do you find that you seek men with traits or different than your husband?
    Are you really sure you won’t ever fall for one of your other cast members?
    Have you gotten together with then chose to discontinue seeing anyone?
    Are you afraid your kids will find out about you or your husbands extra-marital activity?
    Where is it you usually first meetup with someone – there house, restaurant, bookstore, laundry-mat?
    Is there anything you do with your husband that you wouldn’t do with someone else?
    Since you aren’t looking for someone new to love, do you look for more physical and entertaining characteristics in other men as apposed to more substantive qualities that one might appreciate in a long term relationship (like devotion, wealth, good sense, wisdom, good family, etc?)
    Are you more adventurous and naughty with your affairs than with marital sex?
    Have you described any sexual encounters to your husband?
    Have you ever felt guilty about an encounter?
    Do you worry your husband might contract an STD with his affairs?
    What is most fulfilling aspect of your relationship with husband (like sex, or connection, or stability, or he’s makes you laugh, or he’s supportive, or he’s handsome)
    What do you find the least full filling?
    Are you hornier for your husband or less as a result of your flings?
    Do you do stuff dutch or do your other cast members pay for your activities and buy you things?
    Do you prefer the other guys to also be married, or be single, or doesn’t matter?
    Would you try a hookup with another man and his wife?
    Do you want to try sex with a woman?
    Have you gotten in better shape since you’re marriage has opened up?
    Do you spend much time doing things with the other guys, or most of your time with them is spent having sex?
    When you masturbate, do you think about others, or your husband, or who and what?
    Do you ever think about other men while having sex with husband?

    Okay, I have many more questions but I don’t want to overwhelm, so – I’ll use some restraint in not listing the last 465 questions I have for now.

    Thank you for any you wish to answer – or, at least for not getting offended that I offended your post with so many questions.

    Thanks for the great blog.


    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s