SG responded to me. I had assumed that I just wouldn’t hear from him again, but I think he wants to be friends. He was very respectful and appreciated that I was honest with him. He actually said he hoped he hadn’t made me uncomfortable by asking me out! He really is a nice guy, I wish I was attracted to him.
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I was in Costco today and I was fascinated by the other women there. I wondered about them… So many were very hastily thrown together, I wondered how I compared to these women. That sounds very shallow and judgemental, I don’t really mean it that way. It’s just that since entering my late-thirties I’ve become somewhat vain. Maybe vain is the wrong word; I’ve just become more conscious of my appearance and my age. I’m blessed with good genes, so I’m often told I don’t look my age. I never used to care, but now I do. I try to look put together whether I’m dressing for work or just a run to costco. So I couldn’t help but wonder if that shows or if I just look like a middle-aged mom. I think I fear being boring. Maybe this is the start of a mid-life crisis? I’m already fucking men other than Hubby, so I wonder how such a crisis would play out…
I also must admit, I was wondering about a lot of these people’s sex life. Were they fulfilled? How many of them were cheating or being cheated on? Did any of them have crazy sex lives with threesomes and partner swapping?
The Pilot used to love texting with me when I was in Costco. We would engage is some extremely dirty conversations while I was wandering the aisles picking up toilet paper and laundry detergent. He loved the idea of being able to make me wet while I was running errands!
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I can also report that I am not pregnant. Just very late. Hubby was pleased to hear that, but I was a little disappointed. And now I’m starting to wonder if it is possible I’m going through early menopause…
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In case anyone was curious the title is part of a quote attributed to Marilyn Monroe, “Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” I’ve no idea when she said it, if she actually did say it, or even why I know it.
Open Musings 
I’m a bit older . Late 40s. I got hubby to pull out my greys today . 20 strands . Hubby says I have a baby face so much so that during our marriage I’ve been mistaken for his daughter many a times.
But I really think I’ve caught up now. Lately I’ve been looking after myself more. I’m very slack in that sometimes I go out in trackies . Bought some new clothes so I dress better. I think it’s not vanity. I think it does make one feel better when one looks in a mirror and think I do not look like a bag lady 😊
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I started to go grey early and it got much worse after having a kid – I wish I only had 20 strands of grey! Or at least didn’t have dark hair, my greys really stand out if I’m not religious about dyeing them. I get that from my mother, she is appalled if I have any grey showing, she says it’s a sign that I’m letting myself go. I don’t judge women who don’t cover their grey, I just know that I look better when it’s done. And you’re right I definitely feel better about myself when I look better.
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My mother looks after herself and I’m the opposite . I just find that I’d rather that time to do other stuff like going wandering . But guess when you’re older you need to spend a bit of time on yourself. I don’t use make up or such . And being Asian my grey stands out. I used to have long hair and it’s not so bad .I think they show more with short hair. Can’t for the hell of me go and dye as my skin is sensitive to creams and stuff . So guess I’m stuck with pulling them out until I can’t be bothered anymore . It’s only the sides now not all over .
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I reckon it’s the stress just last year was so stressful it feels like I went grey overnight.
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I do the same. I wonder if the people walking among us are as much as a whore as I am. Probably not as bad as me though. I’m late 20’s and constantly get told I look 18. It’s nice, I’m sure it will be nicer when I’m older.
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It will definitely feel even nicer when you are older. I got asked for ID when I was buying alcohol the other day (here they card if they think you look <25), I was thrilled!
Make sure to wear sunscreen! I do everyday, even in the winter (though higher SPF in summer). I swear it is the reason I am wrinkle free.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who wonders about other people's sex life 😉
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Since hitting 30, it has been the same for me. It is like I finally realized there is an hourglass and the sand is running, and one day it will all run out. It is the main driving force for me desiring a divorce, I’m so afraid that I’ll lose my youth before I can use it to get out and have fun with what is left of it, all the more so since I squandered what I did have by getting married young. But, then I desperately cling to the hope that I can find an amazing affair partner, enjoy my youth, preserve my marriage, and care for my son, all at the same time. I fear I’m procrastinating at this point, and I’ll just end up losing it all waiting for an affair partner that was an idealistic mirage all along.
It was my driving force for being religious for so long. I always figured when I was young that I should always be seeking for the eternal, since that is what lasts, I shouldn’t waste my time on fleeting pleasures and relationships. Now the situation has flipped, I want to get those fleeting pleasures and relationships before they are gone forever. I should have done that when I was younger, and waited to get religion till I got older, lol. What can you do, “no one here gets out alive.” I feel, in many ways, that I just woke up and decided to start to live at 30, and I have to focus on that, and forget what I missed out on.
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My mother once repeated an old adage to me which roughly translates to “Your morning is whenever you wake up” and I’ve thought of it often. Maybe that’s the outlook that you need to take, naiveadulterer. You’ve just had an awakening – realised that the religious outlook that you once had, that used to be the driving force in you life, no longer carries weight. It stands to reason that the path you are on may not fit with your outlook. I wonder if what you hope for, the balance in life with one perfect affair partner, preserving your marriage, and remaining true to yourself, just isn’t possible. I’m sure you’ve thought about that as well.
What advice would you give your son if he were in your position?
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Your mother was a wise woman, it looks like she passed it on to you. That is a great way to look at it.
Hmm, I don’t know what I would tell my son, lol. I think I’d be just as lost. But, that is a good thought exercise. The fact that I still don’t have any better idea, tells met that at least I’m not just staying in this to punish myself. It is reaffirming when you’d give someone else the same advice you’d give yourself, but in this case, I don’t know what other advice to give myself other than to try to stay true to yourself, and to not give up. But, I have no clue how to do that other than to stay where I am for the moment.
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Then recognize that you are making a choice, you’re not standing still (staying in your marriage) because you haven’t yet decided to stay or go, it is because you have decided to stay. So now the question is how do you navigate your situation? I think you’ve already answered that – you’re looking for sex outside your marriage. You’ve said repeatedly on your blog that divorce would be devastating, not just for you but for your wife and son as well. You’ll have many people tell you that’s a cop out, that you are deluding yourself and trying to make yourself feel better. They may be right that it’s a cop out, I can’t say, but it seems to me like you go between enjoying your time away from your wife and hating yourself for it… This is the life you are choosing, it’s not a punishment. Now you just have to make the best of your situation and stay true to yourself – whatever that means 😉
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