I feel compelled to write something, but I’m not sure what.  Just like I feel compelled to experience something new, but I’m not sure what or with whom.  When I first started this blog, I imagined that I would be writing about my exploits that would be rather regular, that P would continue to be a part of my life and a key player as I expand my sexual horizons and explore the boundaries of my open relationship with my husband.   But here I find myself, a month into writing and unsure of what to say.  Because all I’m thinking about is missing P, not just him, but also the role he fulfilled in my life and what I was looking forward to…  What I don’t want is this to turn into my venue for being sad and missing him, because I know that it will only make it worse.  It’s so easy to build him up into something he wasn’t and then I’m missing an idea not a person.

I’m not sure how our attempt at friendship will fare.  Right now, I think that it is doomed, but that may be the effect of a dreary Sunday.  I’m feeling morose and rejected. In all honesty, right now, there is nothing more to say.  He once was, now he isn’t.

I’ve decided what I want to do is look for someone else.  I’ve always hoped that would happen organically, that I would meet someone in my day-to-day life and feel a spark.  But, when I look at my life and how small my world is, that doesn’t seem likely.  I’m not very good at flirting in the grocery store, either!  I’ve always shied away from placing a personal ad, but I think that I may start looking.  Maybe I’ll respond to some while thinking about placing my own…


2 thoughts on “Next…

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