An interesting fact about Hubby – his cock is amazing. He doesn’t realise it, he thinks he is average, but he is definitely the largest I’ve seen; not just long but thick, with a slight curve that fits me perfectly. He not only has a great cock, but he knows how to use it as well. How to tease me with the tip, how to fuck me hard and deep, and how to make love passionately; he adeptly runs the gamut from sweet and gentle to hard and fast. If I never fuck anyone other than him again, I have no doubts about his ability to keep me satisfied. I won’t crave other cock. Right now I wish that we were having sex more often, but that seems to be a function of life rather than his desire for me. We’re at a point where he makes me feel desirable and wanted everyday. I’m really quite lucky.
So why sleep with other men when I’m satisfied at home? There are two reasons for that, the first mine alone and the second is him. The second is what I really want to focus on, but I think the background of the first is a necessary part of my story.
I didn’t grow up as the pretty one, I wasn’t the hot one of my friends. I never considered myself attractive and had pretty low self-esteem when it came to guys. I dated and slept with other guys before Hubby, but he and I met when I was 22 and not especially experienced. At that point I had never considered myself attractive. I’d love to say that all of that changed after a while with him, that my confidence soared and I saw myself differently. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen, but it was no longer an issue. I didn’t think about it anymore because I was with someone who made me happy and feel wanted.
We spent much of our dating life long-distance and we were both always faithful. Yet again I was in situations where I felt like the ugly friend, but it didn’t matter because I was taken, I wasn’t looking for a hook-up or a relationship. But what if being unattractive was all in my head?
When the pilot and I met it was online and it was quite sometime before he actually saw a picture of me, but then he was already interested and found me attractive. Certain things changed in my life and I wound up interacting with men who found me attractive and very fuckable. F said I was stunning and beautiful, P still tells me I’m gorgeous, and just the other day J called me hot. But the crazy thing is, I think I still look the same. Except I see myself differently. I’m happier with my appearance and more confident. And I’ve discovered that I love the male attention. I find it exciting and fun. I’m sure that there are many, many, men who wouldn’t be interested in me, I’m sure I’m a type, but I don’t really care. I love this feeling of being wanted. I know it’s trivial and shallow, but under the guise of anonymity I’m free to admit that which I otherwise wouldn’t.
I’m not sure if hubby noticed I was going through this metamorphosis, we were going through a difficult time and not really getting along. When we got past that I had my first opportunity to play away. I was so shocked when Hubby gave his okay, in someways almost suggested it. We didn’t have a big talk about it before I went away for the weekend, only after.
I remember telling F that weekend that Hubby knew what I was doing and F was quite shocked, he almost seemed disgusted. He said: “I would never let my wife do that, it would definitely be divorce.”
Yet there I was, not his wife, laying naked in bed in the hotel room he paid for, while he got dressed. He had moaned as I sucked his cock, had his face buried in my pussy, and then fucked me in a variety of positions. Such a hypocrite. He wanted me to lie to Hubby and say that nothing happened, he said it made him feel guilty, if we were both lying he was fine, but if it was only him that was a problem (I think it contributed to why we ended). He just couldn’t understand.
In someways I still struggle with understanding Hubby’s fetish. Sometimes I feel like it’s okay for him to fantasize about me fucking other men, but in real life he should feel jealous. In fact at times I have wondered if he truly loves me if he doesn’t feel jealous. Those feelings have somewhat subsided. His way of explaining it is that he just loves the idea of me fucking other people. He loves that other people want to fuck me. I’m sure there is the obvious pleasure in knowing that other men want his wife, but clearly it goes beyond that. He enjoys knowing that I enjoy sex, not just with him, but with others as well. His fetish isn’t about being submissive in any manner, making it very different from cuckolding. He has no desire to feel emasculated by my sexuality or inferior to any other man. By no measure is this about him being a ‘beta’ male. He is well aware of his ability to satisfy me.
It is also not necessary for him to see me as a possession, he isn’t in charge of when or with whom I play. However, he does like hearing about it and has said he’d love to see it, me fucking a man or a woman. He likes knowing that I have good sex, but he’s admitted a part of him likes the fact that he’s far better in bed than someone in his 20s (R) or has a bigger and better cock than anyone else. At the end of the day he is secure in our relationship.
He knows I’m his and can have me (almost) whenever he wants. Like the other day when he came up behind me in the kitchen… Ultimately, no matter what else I do, I am his completely.