Reason

It feels like I've been away from here for a long time.  So much has changed, and yet in many ways everything is still the same. I've met someone.  He's looking for more. More than just a fuck buddy or a fwb. He's looking for someone who speaks to his soul, but thought that it …

Old and New

My last post was about writing more, yet it's been almost two weeks since then! So, I think that I'll make this an update of sorts... P said that he was over his guilt and we made plans to get together.  P cancelled those plans the day before.  He had a good explanation, but hasn't …

The Sullied Page

I'm struggling with writing.  Sitting in front of my laptop, this used to be my means of procrastination, but now I'm procrastinating writing here.  There so many reasons for that, but the main one is my fear that I've become boring... I know everyone say to write for yourself, but here's the problem: I bore myself. …

The Choices We Make

I said this blog was to figure out what I'm doing with my open marriage - how it works, what I want, etc.,  but so far all I've really done is enumerate the men in my life who aren't Hubby.  I've avoided the question of what I want, or at least only paid it cursory …

You Can’t Go Back

After my last post I was happy to have gotten my goodbye.  I thought that things were done, but then he wrote again.  And before I knew it we were talking again.  Every day. J saying that he missed me opened something up in me, let me feel more.  But now I'm wondering if that's …

Quiet

I'm still here, just thinking...

Goodbye

Early in the morning, before anyone was awake, I rolled over to see a little blue light, a message on my phone.  It must have come in the middle of the night, while I slept soundly, not hearing the familiar ping.  My lids still heavy, I rubbed my eyes and read the message.  It was …

Distractions

It's been two weeks since I got that fateful message from J.  I haven't felt like writing, mostly because I'm not sure what to say...  Time to think has made me realise that while it ending was hurtful, the worst part was that we didn't have a conversation about it, he just left; granted he didn't disappear, but …

Just an Empty Space

I'm torn - I don't want to write and yet I think it will make me feel better.  Not because I need a space to be sad, but because I need to move on and not wallow. Years ago I had a roommate who had a way to deal with break ups and sadness, she …

It’s Over

J ended things.  I'm heartbroken.